Walk a Mile in My Shoes
by Phil D. Hernandez
Summary: Gabrielle learns what it's like to be Joxer for a day. First in the Outside the Lines series.
1. Act One

WALK A MILE IN MY SHOES   
**by Phil D. Hernández**

GENRES: _Xena: Warrior Princess,_ drama, romance. **VIOLENCE:** Heavy fighting, in the course of which one of Xena's two closest friends is badly injured. **SEX: **Some kissing. Gabrielle examines her body and makes an unusual discovery, but there are no explicit details. **LANGUAGE:** Clean. **RATING:** PG-13. **SUBTEXT:** What a foolish notion! Xena and Gabrielle are totally heterosexual. **SPOILERS:** Sins of the Past, Death in Chains, Return of Callisto and A Comedy of Eros. **NOTICE TO JOXERPHOBES:** Let this story be a warning to you.

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DRAMATIS PERSONAE:  
Xena Warrior Princess  
Gabrielle the Bard of Poteidaia, Xena's best friend  
Joxer the Mighty, Xena's other best friend, in love with Gabrielle  
Patter a nasty warlord, so called for his small feet  
Rat Stew his nasty lieutenant, who isn't picky about what he eats

Patter's men  
villagers

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This is a story in the **Outside the Lines** series. As such, it does not match events in the broadcast Xenaverse. It occurs sometime after Been There, Done That and before The Deliverer.  
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**********  
**ACT ONE  
************

It was a typical summer day in Greece: sunny skies, warm breeze, warlord attacking a village – and Xena, Warrior Princess, counterattacking the warlord.  
She paused briefly to issue orders to her two companions. Gabrielle, you know the drill. Don't let anybody get behind you, take out whoever you can and guard Joxer.  
Do I have to baby-sit him? Gabrielle complained.  
Joxer chorused. When those guys see my naked steel, they'll be so scared –  
Joxer, you couldn't scare a deer in hunting season, the Warrior Princess said dryly. Stay out of trouble and don't get too close to Gabrielle. If she's going to hit you with her staff, I'd rather it wasn't an accident.  
It won't be, said Gabrielle, who had a disgusted look on her face. The thought of anything naked associated with Joxer makes me _want_ to hit him.  
Before Joxer could respond, Xena launched herself into a series of flips with her trademark war cry: Then she was in the fray, punching and kicking black-garbed brigands who somehow could not land a solid blow on the dodging figure, long dark hair flying all around her head, fists and feet explosively driven like pistons into faces, chests, midriffs and groins. Men grunted with exertion and cried out with pain. Few were truly hurt, their leather armor protecting them from serious damage, as was also true for Xena, but some did have the wind knocked out of them, and others hit their heads when they fell. Those who did get up were quickly knocked down again.  
Gabrielle ran at a second group. She was nearly as unlike Xena as could be imagined, being fair, short and completely unarmored. She dressed in Amazon fashion, but her small green top and short brown skirt were comfortable unquilted cloth. The bard carried only one weapon, a long Amazon staff that also served her for defense. Her first two-handed blow slammed an attacker into two of his mates, all three falling backwards into a tangled heap.  
Joxer followed Gabrielle. Another study in contrasts, he clanked as he ran, but that was from the mismatched pieces of his gear. His round breastplate, tied to him by several leather thongs, appeared to be a flattened-out sieve. Wicker lining stuck out of his helmet in Oriental fashion, giving him an outlandish look here in Greece. The would-be warrior's shaggy tunic, small cape and barbarian trousers didn't help his looks any, nor did his pale complexion and long, rubbery face. Though his sword was drawn, he couldn't hit anything with his vaunted naked steel. On the other hand, the brigands could not match the timing of Joxer's stumbling motion, mainly because he had no timing. By accident – or whim of the Fates – his blade intercepted anything that would have wounded him, often sending him spinning into another enemy, who would be knocked aside.  
Neither woman considered long hair to be a liability, but one daring fellow came up behind Xena, turned in the same direction she did and managed to grab the raven locks. He attempted to snap her head back and distract her with the pain. Her teeth clenched, the Warrior Princess managed to keep from crying out as she kicked backwards, catching her assailant in a most tender location. He screamed and let her go.  
Not bad. No one ever tried that before, Xena observed before ending the man's misery with a head butt that rendered him unconscious.  
The leader of the marauders, as was clear from his higher quality armor of studded black leather with metal shoulder guards and armlets, full Roman-style helmet and ornate broadsword, now stepped up to face Xena. You can't stop me this time, he sneered.  
The Warrior Princess drew her sword. Still looking for magic to make you invincible, Patter? Even if you find it, you'll screw up. Invincibility is an illusion anyway.  
Wonderful. The woman who killed Sinteres now spouts his philosophy. You're getting as chatty as your tagalong blonde, Xena.  
Then shut up and fight, she replied, and swung her blade. It was parried, but Xena expected that. She continued to maneuver and thrust, dancing away from Patter's sword but not pressing her advantage. The villagers, encouraged by the example set by Xena and her friends, now joined in with pots and pitchforks against his men. What they lacked in skill they made up in numbers.  
Gabrielle, get over to the village storehouse! Xena shouted. She now increased the tempo of her attacks, preventing Patter from moving to stop the bard.  
While she had no idea where the storehouse might be, Gabrielle cleared the area around her with a few shrewd sweeps of her staff and started searching. Joxer, following his heart, stayed with her. He did his best to aid Gabrielle in her search, but the bard was faster and more alert, so Joxer's efforts were fruitless, quickly turning into a hindrance. When Gabrielle moved around a foodseller's stall that had been temporarily abandoned by its frightened owner, Joxer cut inside, accidentally knocking a hanging cheese into Gabrielle's face. It bounced back into Joxer, who then collided with the bard.  
She restrained herself from cracking Joxer's kneecap with her staff, instead snarling, Joxer, get out of my way! Shoving him aside, Gabrielle moved on to the next small building, leaving him and his apology behind. Even without the delay, however, Gabrielle would not have reached the storehouse in time; as it happened, a pair of Patter's men emerged with sacks of loot as Gabrielle turned the corner.  
The bandits were unaware that all was not going smoothly until they felt a sharp pain in their shins. Gabrielle, whose small stature and girlish looks belied her experience, had swung her staff low, upending both men. They dropped the bags perforce, and one bag split open, scattering coins and baubles in the dusty street. More men followed the first two, running headlong into Joxer. These also dropped what they were carrying and drew their weapons. Taking only a second to determine where she could best defend herself from the heavy odds against her, Gabrielle leaped onto the ledge of a nearby fountain and began to rain blows upon her foes. The staff, which was taller than she was, gave her considerable reach.  
Somehow Joxer managed to retain his sword, but he was now disoriented. He stumbled about, swinging wildly at anything that moved. Unfortunately, this included Gabrielle, who had to bend nearly double to avoid having her bare midriff sliced open.  
Joxer, you idiot! Keep your stupid sword away from me! You're no help! she shouted. Then she had to jump over one man's attack and knock a second man off the ledge, which he had gained when Gabrielle was forced to avoid Joxer. Stupid, stupid, stupid, she kept muttering.  
Recoiling in horror from what he had almost done, Joxer tripped backward over the abandoned sacks and fell, losing his helmet in the process. Scrabbling for his sword, one hand closed on some of the loot. He took a moment to look, and discovered a shiny ring, not ornate but set with an emerald. _Gabby would like this,_ he decided. _It might make up for getting in her way.  
_ Stupid Joxer! he heard her grunt as she attacked another bandit. Gabrielle wasn't even looking at the would-be warrior, which hurt him more.  
I wish Gabby could find out what it's like to be me for a day, Joxer complained, so stung that he didn't realize he had spoken aloud. Getting up, he saw a large, well-muscled man come out of the storehouse. This man carried a huge mace to match his size. Glaring at the fallen bandits, the big man moved behind the fountain, jumped onto the ledge and carefully maneuvered so he could strike at Gabrielle before she noticed he was there.  
Joxer cried, and charged the big man. Gabrielle had not been surprised – Xena had taught her a few things about staying alert in the middle of a battle – but was forced to check her swing because Joxer was in its path.  
The mace fell on Joxer's unprotected skull with a sickening thud.  
Joxer crumpled and fell, blood streaming from his head.  
screamed Gabrielle. If she had been a spitfire before, she was a veritable Fury now. Her staff first smashed into the big man's face, then with the precision of Amazon training Gabrielle reversed it on the back swing, catching the thighs just above his shin guards. He raised his mace again, but the butt end of the staff went into his abdomen, only the _pteryges,_ strips of leather hanging from his belt, saving him from serious injury. Lips turned back in a snarl, Gabrielle struck again and again. She wanted to kill this man, and was making her best effort to do it.  
The other brigands wanted no part of the bard and backed away. The retreat became a rout as villagers showed up to support Gabrielle. A firm hand clamped on her shoulder, causing her final attack to miscarry.  
Xena said in a gentle voice.  
He killed Joxer! Gabrielle declared, and tried to pull free, but Xena held her without effort. The big man saw his chance and fled.  
Sinking to her knees, the bard began to sob bitterly. Joxer, I had him! Of all the dumb things why did you   
Xena also went to her knees, but to examine the fallen Joxer. Snap out of it! He's not dead, not yet. I need water, wine, some honey and a bandage.  
dead? Gabrielle's voice was broken, but she moved as fast as she could to help Xena.  
Hurry up, said the Warrior Princess. Scalp wounds are real bleeders, and I need to stop that before I can tell how serious it is.  
Someone poured wine into a bowl, and Xena dipped her fingers in it before probing the wound. No bones had been crushed, but the fact that Joxer failed to respond to the slight sting of the wine on her hands before his blood covered them was not good. Gabrielle now washed off as much blood as she could and pressed a sponge to the gash to slow the bleeding at least.  
Xena cleaned her hands again and pried open one of Joxer's eyelids. The pupil was fully dilated. Next she reached into a pouch at her side and produced some herbs, which she made into a compress. Working swiftly to avert more bleeding, she poured wine on the wound, sponged it off again, smeared honey on it, put the compress on and fixed it with a bandage that she tied around Joxer's head.  
Her job done for the moment, Gabrielle had picked up Joxer's helmet and kept turning it over in her hands. I was supposed to protect you. I'm sorry I'm sorry.  
He's still breathing, Xena reported. How his head wasn't split open, I'll never know. That was Patter's lieutenant Rat Stew who hit him. Pretty good with a mace, they say. I wanted to let you kill Rat Stew, but I couldn't, Gabrielle. Killing isn't for you.  
But you let him get away! the bard replied, angry with her most beloved friend.  
He'll be back. Joxer needs us now. When I heard you, I let Patter go too. The others were already on the run.  
Xena, do you think it's such a good idea to let Joxer follow us around? He nearly got me killed, then he almost gets killed himself.  
Trying to help, Xena sighed. Joxer has the heart of a lion, but the fighting ability of a newborn cub. He's going to be out for a long time. Gabrielle, have some of the villagers take him into that stable over there. You watch him. Send somebody to get me if there's any change. I'm going to see if I can find whatever Patter thinks is magic in this village.

*****

Joxer did not respond to anything, not to Gabrielle holding his hand, nor to her removing his armor, nor to her attempts to make him drink from a waterskin. His pulse was thready but still there, and he had not lost much blood after all, because his hand was warm. Gabrielle spread a blanket over him and took his hand again.  
Why do you keep doing it, Joxer? she whispered. You're a good companion. Can't you just leave it at that? You don't have to prove you're my friend you're part of my family.  
A tear fell on his cheek, but he did not respond to that, either.  
Xena entered the stable. she asked.  
Gabrielle answered.  
Not much on my end, either. The storehouse is their temple, too. The headman does the sacrifices here. He told me that a stranger came to town a few weeks ago and was so pleased with the hospitality that he left a token of the gods, or so the stranger claimed, but the headman didn't know what it was. The villagers gave us some food. Xena displayed a cheese, bread and dried meat.  
What about Patter's army?  
Licking its wounds. They're in no shape to fight tonight, but they'll return tomorrow. Patter's gambling that I won't find this token before he does.  
But you will, Gabrielle asserted.  
Not tonight. Joxer comes first.  
the bard spat. Even unconscious, Joxer finds a way to mess up the plan.  
Gabrielle, I think you're mad at Joxer because he was hurt.  
Why not? He should know better.  
You _did_ know better, but you still followed me. Okay, I admit he's very annoying, but now is not the time to bring it up.  
I don't want him dying like Perdicas! At least my husband _could_ fight. Joxer's got less chance of surviving a real battle than an ox does once the sacrifice begins.  
Xena put her arm around Gabrielle's shoulder and gave her a little squeeze. He'll survive this battle. I don't know how well, though.  
The two women ate, though slowly and without relish. At Xena's urging, Gabrielle took the first watch. The bard was still very distraught from seeing Joxer go down, and the Warrior Princess thought it would be best for her most beloved friend to wear herself out early and sleep in if at all possible.

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**END OF ACT ONE  
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**__**

COPYRIGHT NOTICE:  
_Xena: Warrior Princess,_ Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is © 2002 by Philip D. Hernández and is his sole property along with the story idea. The characters of Patter and Rat Stew are his own creations. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.


	2. Act Two

WALK A MILE IN MY SHOES  
**by Phil D. Hernández**

**********  
**ACT TWO  
************

Gabrielle woke the next morning with a resounding headache. She sat up and immediately regretted it; the pain was worse. Squinting from the light filtering into the stable through the gaps between boards, she put a hand to her head, encountering a bandage she didn't remember anyone putting on her. Xena was already awake. Seeing Gabrielle attempt to rise, the Warrior Princess quickly put a hand on Gabrielle's shoulder to stop her.  
Easy now, Gabrielle. We thought we were going to lose you.  
What happened? Is Joxer  
Sleeping in, Xena told her, Joxer's snore punctuating the remark. The gods know he'd do it every morning if I let him, but he earned it this time. Until I made him go to sleep, he was worrying himself sick about you. He was upset that he let Rat Stew hit you with that mace.  
Hit _me?_ Gabrielle asked, bewildered. She looked at Joxer, and saw no head wound. His clothes were different: he was dressed in the same nice tunic and vest he wore the day Aphrodite had cast a heroism spell on him. Rat Stew hit _Joxer._ I helped you bandage him. Why did you take the bandage off?  
Gabrielle, you're in worse shape than I realized. A blow to the head can do that.  
Xena, nobody hit me in the head!  
Don't argue with me. I have to wake Joxer up, doctor you and find whatever Patter is looking for before he comes back and tears up this village. She left Gabrielle and rummaged in her traveling bag. Okay, Joxer, rise and shine, Xena announced in a louder voice.  
Joxer winced, opened his eyes and immediately shut them again. Slowly he rose to a sitting position. I'll rise, but I refuse to shine, he declared.  
Hey, that's my line! Gabrielle protested.  
Give it a rest, Gabrielle. Xena placed a bronze mirror in front of Gabrielle's face. The latter's eyes grew wide with astonishment when she saw the bandage around her head, a large spot of dried blood just in front of the left temple. Gingerly touching the spot, Gabrielle flinched from the pain.  
But how  
How is Gabrielle doing? Joxer asked Xena.  
Not so good, the Warrior Princess replied. Her memory is affected. I hope she hasn't suffered any brain damage.  
In her case, maybe that would be an improvement, Joxer muttered.  
What was that? Xena barked.  
I said, She's awake; that should be an improvement.'  
Watch yourself. This is no time for snide remarks.  
Joxer apologized. And I'm sorry I snapped at you yesterday, Gabrielle. You were only trying to protect me, I know, and I'm grateful, but you just don't have the fighting skills. You're lucky you weren't killed. A couple of inches to the side and you _would_ have been killed.  
Gabrielle grew angry. I don't have the fighting skills? Where's my staff? I'll show you fighting skills, Joxer!  
Xena had to push Gabrielle back down before she tried to stand up. The Warrior Princess attempted to soothe her friend, but instead of pouring oil on troubled water, the oil struck an open flame. He's right, Xena said. We know you're brave, but you don't know how to fight. Just because you call yourself Gabrielle the Amazon' doesn't mean you are one.  
What do you mean, I'm not an Amazon? I'm the _Queen_ of the Amazons! She tried to rise again but was too weak to resist Xena's restraining hand.  
She's getting worse, Xena said to Joxer in an aside. Gabrielle, you've never even _seen_ an Amazon. All you know about them you got from Joxer's scrolls. That tears it. After we settle Patter's hash, we're taking you back to Poteidaia. What was the name of that boy who's so sweet on you?  
Joxer interjected. I know the wedding got put off again after He fought back a surge of emotion.  
Xena put a hand on Joxer's shoulder. It's okay, Joxer.  
Now Gabrielle became hysterical. But I did marry Perdicas! You were both there! Then Callisto murdered him! You couldn't stop her! She wept bitter tears.  
Callisto hasn't been anywhere near Poteidaia that I know of since I met Joxer. And if you're married to Perdicas, why did you leave him? I think I'd better look at your head again. I should clean the wound, at least.  
Gabrielle gritted her teeth in frustration but submitted to Xena's ministrations. In trembling fingers she held the mirror and watched as best she could without getting in Xena's way.  
This is going to hurt, the Warrior Princess advised. Despite the warning, there was less pain than Gabrielle expected. Xena removed the bandage and the herbal compress, matted with clotted blood, underneath. Taking a clean sponge, she washed out the wound with wine, then water. Joxer, get another compress ready.  
I'm on it, he said. If I scrounge up some broth, do you think Gabrielle can keep it down?  
We'll find out. Xena probed around the wound with skilled fingers. In the mirror, Gabrielle caught glimpses of a nasty gash surrounded by the ugly discoloration of swollen bruises. Dark blood oozed into the wound and was sponged out again. Though Gabrielle was filled with an unhappy mixture of curiosity and anxiety, she kept quiet while Xena accepted a fresh compress from Joxer, then applied it to the gash and wrapped a fresh bandage around the younger woman's head. To keep Gabrielle's long hair out of the way, the Warrior Princess pulled it back tightly and let it hang down in a ponytail.  
Well, that's a first for you, Xena observed. Usually they can hear you screaming in the next village when you get a paper cut. I didn't feel any tiny skull fractures, so maybe you're just disoriented. The diagnosis satisfied Joxer, who nodded, buckled a rapier to his swordbelt and left in search of the promised broth.  
Gabrielle ventured.  
  
I don't remember getting hurt. Did Patter attack us while we were sleeping?  
No, you've been out cold since yesterday afternoon. I'm not surprised you don't remember. Joxer was holding off Patter's boys at the storehouse. Rat Stew came in from the side. You must have thought Joxer was in danger, because you tried to block Rat Stew's mace. Before you even got your staff up, he hit you very hard. Joxer thought you were dead, but I got to you in time. I should be angry with you for not listening to me when I told you not to get too close to Joxer, but I'm just happy you're alive.  
Gabrielle could only stare at Xena in shock.  
You're head's harder than I imagined. Joxer would probably say that's no surprise. Xena was joking, but Gabrielle wasn't smiling. It was the kind of remark Gabrielle would make to Xena about Joxer.  
I think I'm going to be sick, Gabrielle said. Which way to the latrine?  
I'll help you up, Xena offered, and carefully raised her friend to her feet, then handed Gabrielle her staff to lean on.  
Gabrielle felt unusually weak. The wound was serious, she knew, and the succession of shocks she had just received did not help. Waving off further assistance, she entered the latrine, completed her necessary business and cleaned herself. Her legs didn't appear as strong as she remembered them, and when she squeezed her arm muscles with her fingers, they feltflabby? Trembling with horror, she examined her body carefully, almost too frightened to verify her growing suspicion. After taking a deep breath, she checked one last place – and stifled a scream.  
Gabrielle, what's wrong now? Xena called.  
Xena, this can't be happening!  
As though she had never consummated her marriage to Perdicas, Gabrielle was a virgin.

*****

I'm not going crazy, and I can feed myself, Joxer! Gabrielle insisted. This has to be a bad dream, that's all.  
Joxer put down the spoon he was using to feed broth to Gabrielle and tweaked her nose. she cried, and tried to return the favor, but he caught her wrist. Somehow he was stronger than she was, and faster, too.  
Did you feel that? he asked.  
Yes! Of course I did!  
Then you're not dreaming.  
Why are you two treating me like this? Gabrielle demanded.  
Like what? Did you want us to let you die? Joxer retorted.  
No, not that, likelike I'm you.  
Gabrielle, I know that when Xena and I aren't around you like to pretend that you did all the things Xena did and that Draco's your love slave and all, but you're not Xena and you're not me. Gabrielle recognized the tone in Joxer's voice. It was the one she used when she was talking to him as one would talk to a small child. Maybe that knock on the head has you so mixed up that you think all those made-up things are true.  
Joxer, I am _not_ pretending! Yesterday you were almost killed. Today I'm the one with the head wound! It doesn't make sense!  
Maybe Xena's right. We should take you back to Poteidaia. After all, your mother and father need you. They took it pretty hard when He blinked and steeled himself for his next words: when Lila died.  
Lila is _dead?_ She is my _sister!_ Are you so in love with following Xena and me around that you can't think of anything else? When were you going to get around to telling me she was dead? Damn you, Joxer! She beat at Joxer with her fists, but he caught her wrists in his hands. Gabrielle subsided when she saw that he was crying too, and not because of her outburst.  
You really don't remember, do you? He slowly lowered her arms and released her. It was the day after your sister married me. You were her maid of honor. It was hard to leave Xena, but Lila and I were going back to Poteidaia to help you and your parents with the farm. You were so happy for her, and excited because you'd decided to marry Perdicas after alland then Palaemon camehe murdered Lila in cold blood Joxer reached for a bag of scrolls. Here. Look these over. Maybe these will help you remember.  
Gabrielle threw her arms around Joxer and wept uncontrollably. Xena returned from the latrine and took in the situation with one eyebrow raised. What happened? she asked.  
Most of Gabrielle's memories are gone, or changed. Lila, for instance. He stroked his friend's strawberry blonde hair. It'll be all right, he assured the girl. It'll be all right.  
Xena let them cry for a space, then bent over, a sorrowful look on her face, and placed a gentle hand on each one's shoulder. Joxer, talk to the villagers again. See if I missed anything about this token of the gods Patter's looking for. I'm going to scout his camp. Gabrielle, I know you want to help, but you'll be better off waiting here. You might forget where you are and hurt yourself even worse. Rest and recovery is what you need right now. Okay?  
Because Xena was not speaking in a condescending manner, Gabrielle nodded her agreement. Ow. You're right. No sudden movements. I'll just read myuh, _these_ scrolls for a while.  
Atta girl, Xena replied. We'll check in on you soon.

*****

Gabrielle decided that she would tackle the scrolls on a full stomach. She looked in her shoulder bag, but all the food she could find was a few carrots and radishes – and some goose eggs, carefully wrapped to keep them from breaking. There were no scrolls, no ink and no quills, but all manner of junk among her personal items.  
_This looks like the kind of stuff Joxer would carry. Why is it in my bag?_ Gnawing on a carrot between sips, she polished off the broth.  
Though she was beginning to get an idea of what the scrolls might contain, Gabrielle could not put off reading them any longer. _It couldn't be any worse than what I've already seen and heard. Maybe I'll find out why the gods are playing games with me.  
_ Reaching for a familiar-looking scroll, she took it out of the bag and unrolled it. Sure enough, it was Sins of the Past, butin Joxer's handwriting? And the words appeared strange to her, even though the beginning of the story, at least, was almost exactly what she remembered. _That was some blow to the head. I'm having trouble reading, just likeJoxer! Have I switched places with him somehow?  
_ That thought cushioned the next blow. According to Joxer's version, he was a traveling bard, not much more than an apprentice, when he wandered into Poteidaia the day Xena arrived. To save the village from Draco's men, _Lila_ offered herself up as a sacrifice. Gabrielle received only a brief mention as Lila's blonde-haired sister. Joxer followed Xena to Amphipolis and talked her former neighbors out of stoning her  
Frantically, Gabrielle snatched up scroll after scroll. She was missing from the early stories, but Joxer – who shouldn't have been there – was present. The stories were mostly what she remembered, and when she allowed for the fact that Joxer had substituted himself for her, she saw that he had not inflated his role.  
There were changes here and there, all fitting the same pattern. Joxer was a man, so he couldn't be an Amazon. Terreis had given her right of caste to Ephiny and named Joxer a friend of the Amazons before she died. Joxer was a man, so he couldn't be the bride of Morpheus. Manus had thrust an innocent girl into his maze, but Joxer snuck in to keep her from killing anyone – or being killed – until Xena could arrive. Joxer was a man, and one who did not prefer other men to women, so he could not have a doomed love affair with Talus on the way to the castle of King Sisyphus. Instead, he met a girl named Talia and fell in love with her – then Celesta took her.  
Spotting another well-worn roller, she checked this scroll, and when she read the first words, she finally understood: I sing the song of Lila, the girl I knew, the woman I love.  
_Joxer couldn't have made this up. He's never met Lila. Somehow, he and I have switched places. But why? Ares isn't getting anything out of this._ The scrolls bore it out. Ares hadn't done anything differently. _Aphrodite?_ No, she had made Gabrielle heroic in For Her the Bell Tolls, and naturally Prince Sarpedon had been all over this skewed version of the bard, except that here Gabrielle was no bard. Joxer had demonstrated that by recording her Ballad of Gabrielle the Amazon. _By the gods, that's worse than his Ballad of Joxer the Mighty!  
_ Setting that one aside, she examined as many of the scrolls as she could for clues. The task was hampered by Gabrielle's sudden difficulty with the words, even having to sound them out on occasion. Her headache did not help much, nor did the strange variations in the stories. Palaemon, a young man Gabrielle had barely met, had taken Callisto's place as the insane warrior bent on revenge. As Joxer had said, Palaemon murdered Lila. The Gabrielle in the scrolls told Xena that if anything happened to Joxer she would avenge him, even if it meant sacrificing her own life. Indeed, she had attacked Palaemon and taken an arrow in the shoulder for Joxer, just as Gabrielle remembered Joxer doing for her.  
Gabrielle recalled Xena telling her about how the Fates had given her a chance to live in a world where she had not become the Warrior Princess. Because Xena had not rescued Poteidaia, Gabrielle was a slave in that world. Gabrielle did not remember any of it, of course; for her those events had never occurred. Xena respected the Fates, and despite the Warrior Princess' own belief that people made their own destinies the respect appeared to be mutual. Besides, Gabrielle seemed to be the one who was being punished, and she could not think of anything that she had done to offend the Fates.  
_I have to find out what happened to me, how I got into this strange body, this strange world._ Packing up the scrolls, she looked at herself in the mirror again. She was pale, but not from loss of blood – she was pale like the Joxer she knew, almost pasty. There were dark, almost baggy, patches under her eyes like the Joxer she knew. That was another sign that Gabrielle was in a different world: here Joxer was healthy, tanned and fit, but she was not. The face staring back at her was otherwise hers, at least, lacking the goofy, clueless expression Joxer _– my Joxer,_ she amended – usually had. On the other hand, there was still so much of the innocent about her, as with Joxer, that Xena might not notice the difference. Xena often ignored Joxer completely, and so did Gabrielle. _Will Xena ignore me?_

*****

When Joxer returned to the stables, Gabrielle has a light meal ready. He readily accepted her apology for going into his possessions to obtain the food and utensils she needed. Glad to see you feeling better, but you shouldn't exert yourself, he said. He sniffed at the food suspiciously. You didn't add that gravy recipe of yours, did you?  
No, I didn't, Gabrielle replied. She had found a skin full of it among her gear, recognized it for what it was and dumped it in the latrine.  
He took a tentative bite, then a broad smile spread across his face and he ate with gusto. When did you learn this? he asked.  
I've always been a good cook, Gabrielle said.  
So you say, but I've only touched your cooking when it's been a choice between yours and Xena's. He paused. I'm sorry, Gabrielle. I didn't mean to get snotty. This really is good. Thank you.  
You're welcome. Did you learn anything from the villagers?  
They told me the same story Xena heard.  
What about the storehouse?  
If sacks of grain were magical, the village could create another Olympus. They do have some money, a few heirloom weapons and pieces of jewelry, nothing fancy. We got back everything Patter's men tried to carry off except a few loose coins and trinkets that got scattered during the fight. I think it's all a wild goose chase.  
Maybe not. Something happened to me, Joxer.  
he agreed. You almost got killed.  
I didn't mean that. You see –  
Xena entered, smiling a knowing, self-satisfied smile that did not reach her eyes. Patter's good, she reported, interrupting Gabrielle. Sentries all over. I heard what I needed to hear, though. He's going to try again after he gets men into place to surround the village. If we have to defend everywhere at once, he might try a quick strike on the storehouse with a small party. Any luck, Joxer?  
Either they don't know or they're not telling, he said. I couldn't find it.  
Xena – Gabrielle began.  
Not now, Gabrielle. Joxer, we're running out of time. The villagers have some defenses ready, but we need more: barricades, pits, falling rocks, that sort of thing.  
  
Xena –  
_Not now,_ Gabrielle! Xena turned her attention back to Joxer. My guess is that Rat Stew will lead a showy attack to sucker me. I'll fight him just long enough to make them think their plan is working, then you'll have to hold them while I catch Patter at the treasury.  
We should stick together, Joxer complained.  
Don't worry, you can handle it.  
Xena, will you listen to me? Gabrielle insisted.  
All right, Gabrielle, what is it? Xena asked, plainly annoyed.  
Let me help cover Joxer. I'm not the Gabrielle you think I am. I can prove it. She picked up her staff and stood on wobbly feet. Watch this.  
Gabrielle attempted to twirl her staff in a series of moves Ephiny had taught her, but she wasn't able to find the balance and only managed to strike herself on the forehead. OW! Wait, let me get this  
The Warrior Princess grabbed her by the front of her shirt and pulled her close. Xena was angry now, sparks seeming to fly from her steel-blue eyes. Gabrielle, I don't have time for this. You're wounded and your mind is playing tricks on you. Either you stay in this stable like a good girl, or I tie you up and you stay here anyway. Which will it be?  
I can't abandon you now! Gabrielle protested. Maybe I'm crazy, but if I'm telling the truth then I need your help to fix things or I _will_ go crazy. She had a sudden inspiration. Would you do this to Joxer?  
That brought Xena up short. She released Gabrielle.  
No, of course not. But you're not Joxer. You'll only get yourself killed. I won't let that happen. Stay here.  
How about this? pleaded Gabrielle. I go to the storehouse and warn you if anyone sneaks up on the place. Call it insurance.  
Unexpected support came from Joxer. I hate to admit it, Xena, but Gabrielle is making sense to me, he said. Something's different about her since she got hurt. Give her a chance.  
All right, Xena conceded. But take it easy, sit down if you feel dizzy and don't try to fight anyone, she directed Gabrielle. At the first sign of trouble, call for help. I'll hear you.

*****

With cautious strokes, Gabrielle maneuvered her staff in the empty air, discovering that she could not do this and keep a close watch simultaneously. _This used to be second nature! I know what to do, butmaybe my body doesn't._ That was it, of course, a lack of muscle memory. Gabrielle was stuck in a pale, weak, untrained body, while somewhere else her real body probably had the other Gabrielle in it. _Poor Xena. Having one Joxer around is bad enough, but two? She'll have to tie them both up.  
_ Yet Gabrielle wondered if she wasn't being unkind to Joxer and this unknown self she had read about. There were moments when Joxer was serious, after all. When he wasn't full of himself he was a good companion, and he seemed to enjoy listening to her. He certainly didn't seem to tire of her stories about Xena the way Xena herself did. He did his share of work when they camped, and she had to concede that he tried his best in tough situations like this one.  
Reflecting on when they first met, Gabrielle knew that at the time she wasn't much more skilled in combat than Joxer was. She had been eager when she met Xena, almost too eager, and Joxer was the same. Maybe if she gave him a chance, tried to teach him as Xena had taught her  
THEY'RE COMING! Gabrielle heard someone shout, and it was all she could do not to run toward the sound. Xena's plan was a good one, and if she could buy her best friend a few precious seconds, she would. Moments later, she heard Xena's war cry above the shrieking of frightened villagers, the clash of swords and the crash of armed men setting off traps. Several people ran to and fro before the modest building that served as the village storehouse, and Gabrielle gripped her staff harder. More men approached, and at first Gabrielle was apprehensive, but she relaxed when she saw that they were also villagers.  
Or were they? The boots were all wrong, and were those robes hastily thrown on to coverarmor? As Gabrielle turned to shout a warning, a large, rough hand clamped over her mouth. She struggled, fluttering like a bird caught in a snare.  
Nice try, little girl, Patter sneered in Gabrielle's ear. Empty the place! he barked at the men disguised as villagers. Then he turned back to Gabrielle, stifling her muffled screams by pressing a knife to her throat. You're so scrawny I should throw you back, but you'll do for a bargaining chip. Yes, you'll do nicely indeed. And if you give me any troublesome of my men don't care what a girl looks like, so long as she's a girl, if you get my drift.  
Gabrielle shuddered. She got his drift.

******************  
**END OF ACT TWO  
********************

**__**

COPYRIGHT NOTICE:  
_Xena: Warrior Princess,_ Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is © 2002 by Philip D. Hernández and is his sole property along with the story idea. The characters of Patter and Rat Stew are his own creations. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.


	3. Act Three

WALK A MILE IN MY SHOES  
**by Phil D. Hernández**

****************************  
**ACT THREE – CONCLUSION  
******************************

Dodging tiles thrown from rooftops and a cascade of barrels set loose when a villager cut the rope holding them, Rat Stew made his way toward Xena and Joxer, who stood side by side to face him, sword and rapier drawn. With a yell, Xena drew her chakram and threw it in one smooth motion. The weapon ricocheted off an arch, then severed a clothesline, dropping the wet clothing on four men. As they floundered, Xena charged, catching the chakram _en route_ and parrying Rat Stew's first mace strike before punching him in the face.  
The first man to confront Joxer was disarmed by the bard's rapier, then knocked out with a forearm smash. A second man slashed at Joxer's legs, but Joxer jumped over the sword and kicked the man in the face. Xena grabbed a spear from another man, stuck the point in the ground and used it to spin in a circle, kicking Patter's men repeatedly as she spun. The last kick knocked Rat Stew back several feet, and Xena used the time and space just gained to retrieve the spear and pole-vault out of that section of the battle. Joxer now took the spear and blocked four new attackers with it, running them into a wall.  
Xena ran for the storehouse, certain now that Patter himself was heading there. She rounded the corner, calling, Gabrielle –  
Gabrielle warned.  
Too late, Warrior Princess, Patter announced. He still held his knife to Gabrielle's throat. Though I admit it was a clever move to post the girl as a lookout.  
Let her go, Patter.  
Now why should I do that, Xena? So you can fight me? Guess again. The ring is here somewhere. Maybe this dumb skirt picked it up yesterday and swallowed it, for all I know. You're gonna help me look for it.  
came Gabrielle's high-pitched cry, and she stamped on Patter's foot. It was enough to cause the warlord to release her. Snatching up her staff, Gabrielle swung it two-handed into the man next to Patter, who promptly doubled over in pain. She used the confusion thus generated to move out of Patter's reach. Knowing that she could not call upon all of her Amazon training, Gabrielle concentrated on defense, making sure that none of the brigands got their hands on her staff. If they did, they could easily tear it from her feeble grasp. She would have to rely on Xena.  
The Warrior Princess held her surprise in check and took full advantage of the opportunity. She used no finesse this time, simply smashing the hilt of her sword into one opponent's face, kicking a second and using a forearm blow on a third, the object being to knock them out as quickly as possible so she could reach Gabrielle and guard her. She saw Patter reverse his dagger and prepare to throw it at Gabrielle. With a prodigious leap and a cry of Xena flipped over a man, kicked him on the way down and caught the dagger millimeters from Gabrielle's face. Xena threw the dagger back, sticking it in Patter's sword hand. The warlord roared with pain. Demoralized, those of his men who could still stand started to flee, dragging their unconscious comrades with them. Xena let them go, but Patter remained defiant, holding his wounded hand.  
Now Joxer appeared, slowly giving ground before Rat Stew's mace. A few brigands, wary of Joxer's rapier, followed behind the big man, but they melted away at Xena's glance. The Warrior Princess did not notice Gabrielle running at Rat Stew until it was too late, and before she could stop her, she saw Patter pick up his sword in his uninjured hand.  
Gabrielle, NO! Xena shouted, lifting her chakram again.  
I owe Joxer one, Gabrielle declared, and aimed a blow at Rat Stew's head. The latter raised his mace to smite her down.  
Xena threw the chakram. Barely missing Gabrielle, it knocked Rat Stew's helmet off just in time for Gabrielle to connect. The chakram ricocheted off a wall, then a pole supporting a rack of pots and finally broke Patter's sword at the hilt before returning to Xena. Rat Stew fell unconscious; Patter surrendered.

*****

Because they had learned that they were searching for a ring, the three companions went through the entire storehouse once more, but once more they found nothing different. Nor did their prisoners have any rings on them. The grateful villagers willingly helped in the search, but there just didn't seem to be anything unusual or magical anywhere in the area. Back at the stables, Joxer announced that he was going to buy some meat and vegetables for their supper, and Xena checked Gabrielle's head wound again.  
It didn't open up, and the swelling is less. The bruises will get uglier before they get better. Xena applied another fresh compress. That was some chance you took, Gabrielle.  
I'm not a dumb skirt, Gabrielle replied.  
No, and you're not an Amazon either, but only a woman trained by the Amazons can make some of the moves you used. You certainly couldn't do that yesterday. Did _you_ find the ring?  
I don't think so. I didn't see a ring in my shoulder bag this morning.  
Mind if I search you?  
Go ahead, invited Gabrielle.  
Xena did so, quickly and efficiently, but Gabrielle did not have the ring.  
So much for that idea. I'm beginning to think that you _are_ a different Gabrielle.  
I don't know what to believe any more. If I have to live in this worldyou're sure Perdicas is alive?  
I'm sure.  
Then maybe I should go back to Poteidaia after all. The Fates are giving us a second chance.  
Second chance? Xena was puzzled.  
I still love Perdicas, Gabrielle explained. We only had one night together before Callisto – oh, that's right, it didn't happen that way here. Perdicas and I can get married. That's what I meant.  
So you've gotten over your love for Joxer, Xena observed.  
My _what?_ I've never been in love with Joxer. Not counting when I was hit by Cupid's arrow, that is.  
Gabrielle, you never were hit by Cupid's arrow. After he took the spell off Joxer, he tried to take the spell off you, but he couldn't because there wasn't any spell. You'd fallen in love for real. You cried when you found out he didn't love you. I know you never told Joxer because he still misses Lila.  
_Perdicas is alive, and Lila is dead, and somewhere a Joxer who loves me finally has a Gabrielle who loves him._ Maybe it's for the best, Gabrielle said. She didn't sound convinced, so Xena cradled Gabrielle in her arms to comfort her. The Warrior Princess was surprised that Gabrielle snuggled in so naturally; it almost felt as though Xena were comforting Joxer.  
I love you, Xena, Gabrielle whispered. Just like Joxer. 

*****

When Joxer returned, laden with food, Xena was staring deeply into Gabrielle's green eyes.  
We should rescue villages more often, he remarked. I get a better deal on supplies when we do. How's our Amazon warrior doing? While Joxer was kidding, he was not being sarcastic this time.  
Much better, Gabrielle replied. My head isn't hurting as much as it did.  
I have a surprise for you, Joxer, the Warrior Princess announced. Gabrielle has been telling the truth all along. She _is_ an Amazon, and she's not our Gabrielle.  
Joxer exclaimed.  
I see it in your eyes, Gabrielle, the same light and goodness that Joxer has. The Gabrielle I know has it too, but it isn't as strong. How you're in her body I don't understand, but I'll bet that ring has something to do with it. Joxer, you're the bard. What do you know about magic rings?  
Let's seethere was that ringif you rubbed it, a magic genie came out and could take you anywhere you wanted to go, Joxer said.  
And there's a fable about a ring that grew as big as a village, Gabrielle offered. The people caught inside had trouble escaping, because the ring was so high and smooth.  
I heard a legend about ancient rings of great power, Joxer recalled. If you put one on you became invisible, and you could shape things to your will, and minds too, and you got very wealthybut they were evil, and they were all destroyed long ago.  
Then there'soh, no, it couldn't be! Gabrielle wailed.  
In which case, it probably is, Xena suggested. Go on, Gabrielle.  
You tell her, Joxer. It's the Ring of Cupid.  
stories about wishing rings are very common. That's probably why Patter wanted it. But if it's the Ring of Cupid, it couldn't have helped him.  
Why not? asked Xena.  
Because it's said that only someone who is truly in love can find it and use it. He or she makes a wish, it's granted and the ring disappears. Then it shows up somewhere else when another person in love needs it.  
Which explains why we didn't find the ring, Xena concluded. Somebody used it. None of us saw itbut we're not all accounted for.  
I get it, Gabrielle said. Your Gabrielle is missing.  
It was Joxer's turn to be puzzled. But I thought our Gabrielle was in love with Perdicas. They're betrothed. How could that make her switch with this Gabrielle?  
_This_ Gabrielle is in love with Perdicas, Xena replied. Our Gabrielle is in love with somebody else. That's not the only problem. If we accept two Gabrielles, then we have to accept that this Gabrielle was protecting her Joxer in the battle yesterday. Gabrielle, the Joxer you knowis he clumsy, boastfulsometimes obnoxious?  
That's most of it, Gabrielle confirmed. He's loyal, brave when he needs to be, thinks he's a hero and I should be his sidekick, calls himself Joxer the Mighty' and wears the funniest armor and helmet.  
Armor and helmet? Xena wondered. But you – I mean, Gabrielle – never wore armor. That's a big difference.  
So is being a man, Joxer pointed out.  
My Joxer has clothes like yours, and he used a rapier when Aphrodite put a spell on him to make him a hero.  
Like my Gabrielle and her staff. No offense, but she was better than you are.  
No offense taken, Gabrielle agreed. This body isn't used to fighting the way mine is.  
Joxer surveyed Gabrielle. I look that bad in your world? he asked. Gabrielle glared at him.  
Never insult a woman's looks, Xena advised.  
Sorry. Gabrielle, if you do get back, promise me you'll make your Joxer exercise and get some sun, okay? I'll do the same with my Gabrielle. You know, she'll probably turn out as pretty as Lila was.  
Gabrielle replied. Have her brush her hair more often. She indicated the bedraggled strawberry blonde ponytail. This is such a mess!  
So you're both vain, Xena groaned. Let's get back on track. We have two worlds, a Gabrielle who is Joxer, a Joxer who is Gabrielletwo battlestwo rings!  
And mirror images of the same wish, Joxer added.  
Think, Joxer! What happened yesterday when you were with Gabrielle?  
he began, we were fighting, or rather I was fighting and Gabrielle was lurching around with her staff, and she almost hit me in the stomach  
I told Joxer to keep his stupid sword away from me, Gabrielle continued. He wasn't any help  
Some guys dropped their loot and Gabrielle tripped over the bags  
I guess he got up, because the next time I saw him he was attacking Rat Stew  
He hit Gabrielle in the head with his mace  
Then I got upset and I tried to kill Rat Stew, and that's when you and the villagers drove them off, Xena.  
We tended to Gabrielle's wound and carried her back to the stables  
I guarded Joxer while you secured the village  
The next morning, Gabrielle was different.  
Xena paced back and forth during the recitation, head down, hands behind her back, considering what she was hearing. Do either of you remember Gabrielle – Joxer in your case, Gabrielle – saying anything before Rat Stew knocked heroh, Tartarus, you know what I mean!  
I'm supposed to remember what Gabrielle says in the middle of a battle? Joxer wondered.  
I don't blame you, Gabrielle laughed, but we're both bards. It's worth a try. Let's seeI remember hearing my nameno, that's not right, he said something about me finding something  
Joxer's face screwed up in thought, too. Finding _out_ something, like  
By the gods! Gabrielle exclaimed. Finding out what it would be like to be him!  
That's it! Gabrielle fell over the bags, and I heard her say: I wish Joxer could find out what it's like to be me for a day!'  
And now I'm here, concluded Gabrielle.  
But Gabrielle switched, and I didn't! Joxer protested. I mean, I should be in this other Joxer's body and the other Joxer should be hereshouldn't he?  
That's a problem, Xena agreed. Maybe you don't remember exactly what she said. All we really know is that Gabrielle made a wish and the ring Patter is looking for isn't here. Gabrielle probably found the Ring of Cupid.  
Then who does she love? Joxer asked.  
Gabrielle said softly.  
Joxer scoffed. That's ridiculous.  
No, it isn't, Xena told him. It's the truth.  
You knew, Xena? Why didn't you tell me? demanded Joxer.  
For the same reason Gabrielle never told you. She thought you really loved her, and when she found out you didn't, she was heartbroken. She didn't want to get hurt on top of that, the Warrior Princess explained.  
You and I can be very cruel to our counterparts, Gabrielle added, her voice still subdued. Today I learned just how cruel that is.  
And since Gabrielle is your sister-in-law, Xena continued, she knew it would be awkward for you. She doesn't want to take Lila's place in your heart. She just keeps hoping there's another place in your heart for her.  
If she's anything like me, Gabrielle said, she would go to Hades himself and offer to trade places with Lila so you could be happy. The Joxer I knowwould do that for Perdicasand me.  
_It's strange,_ Xena thought, _how both of them drop their voices – and their heads – the same way._ There's a place in my heart for Gabrielle, right next to yours, Joxer. I want her back, not because I don't like _you,_ Gabrielle, but because she belongs here, and you belong with your Xena. She needs you, just like I need Joxer by my side.  
I guess that happens tomorrow, Joxer said. And we'll find out what happened to my Gabrielle and your Joxer then.  
But how can you be both here and in my world? Gabrielle wondered. I'd be in both places, too.  
Who knows how this wish came true? the Warrior Princess replied. That's another question we can settle tomorrow.  
If tomorrow ever comes, said Gabrielle.  
Oh, no, Xena moaned. I'm not doing _that_ again!

*****

Late into the night, Gabrielle continued to study Joxer's scrolls by the light of an oil lamp.  
Gabrielle, go to sleep, Xena ordered her. No matter which one of you wakes up tomorrow, you're still recovering from a head wound, and if it's my Gabrielle, she's going to be disoriented as well as weak. I'm guessing that the only reason you haven't fainted today is the power of that ring, but it can't last forever.  
Just a little longer, pleaded Gabrielle, stifling a yawn. I want to learn as much about this world as possible, in case I ever come back – or it wasn't the Ring of Cupid and I wake up here again. Besides, I still have to write a note to Joxer.  
Then write the note, Xena said, gently taking the scroll from Gabrielle, who did not resist her. The Warrior Princess waited patiently while the younger woman carefully crafted what she wanted to say. _Just like Joxer.  
_ Finishing, Gabrielle handed the note to Xena. Will you put it in his bag for me? she asked.  
I will, promised the Warrior Princess. It's time now. She kissed Gabrielle on the cheek. I'm glad I met you.  
Me, too. I hope things work out with your Gabrielle.  
You'll know. It'll be the same as what you work out with your Joxer.

*****

Gabrielle woke to the sound of Joxer's loud snoring. The bard knew it meant that Joxer was exhausted, and she could guess why. Sitting up, she felt neither pain nor nausea, and when she glanced at Joxer, she saw that his head was bandaged.  
_I'm back,_ she realized. To make sure, she touched her head. There was no bandage, and her hair was loose. She collected her shoulder bag, removing her mirror and the note Xena had placed with it. Because Gabrielle knew almost to the word what the note would say, she looked at her reflection first. She grinned to see her own healthy face grinning back at her. Then she read the note. It was in Joxer's handwriting.

Gabrielle:

If what happened to me happened to you – that's what I think is going on – and you're reading the note you wrote to me, then you know this wasn't a dream and your friend Joxer made a wish on the Ring of Cupid. So did my friend Gabrielle. I thought I was just being hard on her so she could wise up. She's wiser than I was willing to admit, and so is your Joxer.  
Don't blow him off. He may be full of himself, but underneath is a warm, caring heart. You said so yourself in your scrolls. I also read everything you wrote about Perdicas, and I think your Joxer understands that you will always love your husband. There is plenty of room for both of them in your heart, just as there is plenty of room in mine for both Lila and my Gabrielle. Even if you don't fall in love with your Joxer, I know you'll do your best not to hurt him any more. Don't try to make him like me. He can't be you, and he shouldn't.  
Think of me the next time you see Lila. Good luck! The Joxer 

Have some breakfast, said Xena, offering Gabrielle a small loaf of bread. She nodded at Joxer. So which one do we have today, the real Joxer or the Joxer who's just like you?  
They're both real Joxers, Gabrielle replied, and bit a hunk off the loaf.  
Like that helps, Xena groused.  
Knowing that it would irritate the Warrior Princess, Gabrielle took her time chewing the morsel before swallowing it.  
_  
_ He's our Joxer. The one who's in love with me.  
And what are you going to do about that?  
Accept it. When he isn't acting stupid, he's a nice guy.  
He'll try your patience, Xena reminded her. He already does.  
You took a chance on me. Why shouldn't I take a chance on Joxer?  
Because he _is_ Joxer. He's reliable within his limits, but those limits are very low. He isn't ready for you.  
Xena, there once was a man condemned to death. He asked the king to pardon him if within a year he could teach the king's prize horse to sing. The king agreed, but said that the man was a fool, for he was only putting off his death for a year. The man replied: Many things can happen in a year. Maybe I will die. Maybe you will die. And maybe the horse will learn to sing.'

*****

Several hours later, Joxer woke up. Gabrielle was waiting for him so she could clean his wound and change the bandage. The bard eased him into a sitting position. Though he was very weak – the ring's salutary effect, necessary for Gabrielle to learn her lesson, had worn off – Joxer was excited.  
Hey, Gabby! I had the wildest dream! I was Xena's sidekick, and I helped her fight Patter and everything, and you wereuh, like me. I didn't like that part because I was mean to you, and –  
Gabrielle kissed Joxer on the cheek. That's for trying to protect me.  
  
You weren't dreaming, Joxer. Here, let me look at your wound.  
  
As Gabrielle expertly tended him, Joxer continued to tell her about his supposed dream. Anyway, we solved a riddle, and you were really you, only I was like you, too, except I'm a guy, of course –  
The bard kissed him on the other cheek. That's for showing me another world. Your wish came true. Now I know what it's like to be you, a little, anyway.  
It wasn't a dream?  
No, it wasn't.  
Then you knowuh, oh!  
Gabrielle cradled Joxer's face in her hands. This is because you love me, she said, and kissed him on his lips, a long, lingering kiss. Joxer fainted dead away.  
Xena failed to understand her most beloved friend's behavior.   
Joxer needs more rest, the bard replied. 

**********  
**THE END  
************

**__**

Disclaimer:  
The fabric of reality (whatever that is) was not harmed in the writing of this story. The Xenaverse, however, may never be the same.

**__**

Episode references:  
Sins of the Past, Death in Chains, Hooves and Harlots, The Royal Couple of Thieves, Remember Nothing, Return of Callisto, Intimate Stranger, For Him the Bell Tolls, A Comedy of Eros and Been There, Done That.

**__**

Author's notes:  
The Outside the Lines series explores alternate Xenaverses where the basic premises are slightly changed; in this case, Gabrielle and Joxer switch roles. Alternate worlds are a common theme in science fiction. The definitive work remains the _Paratime_ series by H. Beam Piper, which is highly recommended. The movie It's a Wonderful Life is another example, as are two XWP episodes, the excellent Remember Nothing and the putrid When Fates Collide.  
The names and Rat Stew are anagrams. It's petty, I know, but the pretensions of these two individuals destroyed the series they helped to create.  
The Ring of Cupid is my own invention. The other rings are not, of course, and I hope Tolkien fans will not attempt to lynch me for referencing _The Lord of the Rings._ The ring with the genie comes from the Aladdin story, while the story about teaching the horse to sing is an old one as well.  
Walk a Mile in My Shoes is a song reference. The original was recorded by Joe South, and was a follow-up to his hit record Games People Play.

**__**

COPYRIGHT NOTICE:  
_Xena: Warrior Princess,_ Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is © 2002 by Philip D. Hernández and is his sole property along with the story idea. The characters of Patter and Rat Stew are his own creations. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.

**__**

Comments:  
Unless your sole purpose is to bash Joxer, Ted Raimi or Gabrielle-Joxer romance, your comments would be greatly appreciated. You can e-mail the author at **BroadwayPhil@yahoo.com **.

**__**

Additional stories:  
More stories can be found on the author's website, _The Subtlety of Pickett's Charge,_ at **** .


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